Who Likes You - in the Long Run? February 4, 2007
Posted by The Probabilist in : [Articles], Consciousness, Communication, Gratitude, Personal Growth, Psychology, Relationships, Beliefs , 9 commentsWhen I first read through How to Win Friends and Influence People I felt awesome and wanted the whole world to start liking me, one person after another. Some of the principles were obvious to me, like the rule never to badmouth and criticize anyone, but I’ve always been poor at inspiring people to talk about themselves, even though I’m a great listener. I bet there’s something new and something familiar in it for everyone. So how do you make yourself more likeable on a lasting and genuinely significant level? And why isn’t this book the ultimate guide to improved relationships after all?
There was something about the book that I just couldn’t put my finger on.
There was something in the core principles that stopped me from working diligently on improving my relationships to an even greater level than before, even though all of the examples showed excellent results and even though it all made logical sense as well. It all finally dawned upon me once I looked at the big picture and the underlying motive of the book. The objective is to get others to like you, but is that really all you need in order to feel good about yourself?
People come and go, but the only person that will like you for the rest of your life is yourself - but only if you let him/her do that to you. This is the point where some might scoff at my egotistical view, but nobody can deny the fact that you alone consist of the company in which you’ll always be. So it’s most vital that you build on that relationship first before you can start to have other people like you as well.
Don’t you just feel sorry for people that try to be oh so popular while you can see right through their brittle shells that they feel insecure, afraid and disgusted on the inside about themselves? These are the people that don’t have a clue about the difference between self confidence and self esteem. Or about which one of these matters the most.
The reason I didn’t put more effort into all the principles outlined by Carnegie is that I already feel so good about myself that I don’t need others’ acceptance, interest or praise. I like getting some of that, but I don’t need it. I enjoy my current level of being fairly likeable in others’ eyes, but I’m not running a popularity contest. And you shouldn’t feel the urge to do it either, no matter how important it seems to be to some people.
If you strive only for external affection, you will end up getting an unhealthy perspective of yourself. You will only attract people into your life that tell you what you want to hear and not what you should hear. It all gets toxic and twisted in the long run. But if you allow yourself to be in the company of everyone and focus mainly on listening and learning from others, you’ll eventually become a person who leads others by example as well.
What you tell yourself is what creates the really big results and changes in your life. Why? Because what others say to you will always be filtered by your own mind-set about yourself. There are numerous examples of world class top performing athletes, artists and celebrities who receive incredible amounts of goodwill, praise, thank-yous and encouragement, but it all goes wasted because they still don’t feel perfectly satisfied with themselves. So read that sentence again and know it by heart. What others say to you will always be filtered by your own mind-set about yourself.
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Program Yourself to Persist! February 2, 2007
Posted by The Probabilist in : [Articles], Consciousness, Goals, Personal Growth, Productivity, Psychology, Blogging , 2 commentsThe following methods that I suggest will add a sense of persistency to your behaviour no matter what kind of an endeavour you decide to apply them on.
But before you do so, make sure that you genuinely want to increase your willpower in achieving the goal you’ve set out to accomplish, or the journey you’ve decided to travel upon. If it’s something that undoubtedly empowers you on an overall and lasting level of life quality, your odds of succeeding are in your favour.
Add subtleties
This advice is aimed directly at your subconscious mind, but you have to consciously make the adaptation. Here are a few examples right off my blog. When I started running the carnival of improvement, I decided to number them 01, 02 and so on, instead of 1 and 2. It gives both yourself and your readers the subconscious message that you’re aiming for double digit entries, which is a sign of persistent behaviour. It may seem like a silly little detail, but it works like a charm for me as it delivers the correct perspective of me wanting to make it a tradition to host the carnival for several weeks ahead.
This is exactly the same method I used when I posted the statistics of this blog for January of this year. Since I named it ‘January, 2007′ instead of just ‘January’, it has the power to enhance my perseverance in posting a similar entry at the beginning of every single month, and beyond the year 2007. Surely, small subtleties like these go unnoticed by the majority of people since it may not be that obvious that you’re running a marathon here.
Make it more enjoyable
When I decided to live by a polyphasic sleep pattern and add a 30-minute exercising session after all 6 naps every single day I knew that I had to lure myself into it with a carrot.
I decided to stop listening to music altogether (I’m a big, big music junkie) and only allow myself to listen to music when exercising. Without this change it would have been far more difficult to get myself out on a stroll when it was raining, snowing and -15 degrees outside. That’s what my schedule looked like and I stuck to it long enough to know what it’s like to live that way.
Let others know about your plans
This advice does not fit all people and I’ve seen it backfire for those who haven’t first improved their own self esteem, aversion to procrastinate and their go-getter attitude to adequate levels. Notice how I blurted out a few goals I’ve set to accomplish for February in my previous post. It was no blurt, but a conscious decision to empower myself to keep the promise I’ve made to hundreds (or thousands) of readers.
Do not apply this method if you know you’ll crash and burn when you know that you don’t know anything about flying your proverbial airplane, or how hard or demanding it is! Keep the information to yourself then and make a list of things you want to consider adding persistency to. Pick the one that you would love to see yourself making a habit of and create your own form of penalty if you fail to persist. Choose carefully who you decide to tell your goals and dreams to.
Allow yourself to stop
Sometimes it’s just against healthy reasoning and logic to keep on doing what you set out to do because of changed circumstances, or simply because you’ve tried something new that just doesn’t make a positive impact in your life. I urge you to try lots of new things throughout your life, but never let your ego or pride hinder you from admitting that what you set out to do just doesn’t make sense to you any longer.
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